I Thee Wed #01

"Accept someone as is. Her goodness rejoiced, her drawbacks embraced..."

Many people enter into a union of hearts, a lifetime partnership, hoping to receive.

To receive good financial and emotional support.
To receive religious guidance.
To receive love and attention.

But many forget to GIVE in equal measure what they want to receive.

Those who enter a relationship hoping to receive from a "perfect partner" are often left disappointed because no partner is ever perfect. While those who enter a relationship hoping to GIVE will be thankful for whatever is then received, because receiving is a bonus - the purpose has always been to GIVE.

Advice to Muslim Youth

Avoid coupling and activities that may lead to situations that sacrifice the religion. Because such activities that contradict the religion is proof how "love" has exceeded your fear of Allah. A relationship is never built on love alone, but also on trust. If even the fear of Allah is no longer a strong enough deterrent, then where else can one place trust?

"Sins of yesterday will become suspicions of tomorrow..."

It is common for couples who have had pre-marital physical intimacy to feel its effects during their marriage. "If he/she had the courage to be intimate with me before our marriage, what's going to stop him/her from being intimate with someone else during our marriage?" And such suspicions cause the hearts to be restless everytime they are apart. Finally, the marriage becomes full of su'ud zhon (negative suspicions) and rules & regulations to keep each other 'trust-able'. Nasty accusations will naturally follow suit...

This is not mere theory, but has been proven from looking at life around us. And this retribution from Allah for such couples is a fair retribution on Earth before the eventual retribution in the Hereafter. Negative suspicions, restlessness, etc are "Hell on Earth" for their misdemeanors before the Hell in the Hereafter which will be a terrible and unbearable torture.

Repent, repent...

The Waning Love

Many couples who enter a relationship and delays their marriage too long tend to end in failure. Worse still, some become enemies because of the natural evolution of the relationship after a period of time.

"Romance makes us lose rationality and realism."

Love and romance may dominate a relationship, but such feelings are unsustainable for very long. In a marriage, it is easy to show trust and a sense of responsibility towards your partner when romance starts to wane, which may be difficult to portray in a pre-marital relationship.

Love, when it starts to wane, is also difficult for good Muslims to display to their partner beyond words. When mere words no longer suffice in keeping romance alive, married couples may proceed to non-verbal communication - a communication of touch and intimacy, which is not possible for God-fearing Muslim couples. Hence, silence creeps into the relationship and boredom starts to take root.

Pre-marital relationships is even harder to sustain when there is no "end in sight", where no commitment has been formalized and beautiful sandcastles are but mere dreams built in the skies.

The best way to avoid all this emotional heartache is to keep oneself busy with fruitful activities.

"Unlike still water, a coursing river maintains its pristine purity."

Reference: "Aku Terima Nikahnya" by Ustaz Hasrizal Abdul Jamil